http://computerjokes.slonce.net Computer Humor for You! Wed, 10 Oct 2007 12:25:42 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en Did you hear about the Microsoft Windows programmer who died? He found himself in front of a committee that decides whether you go to Heaven or Hell. The committee told the programmer he had some say in the matter and asked him if he wanted to see Heaven and Hell before stating his preference. "Sure," he ... http://computerjokes.slonce.net/2007/07/09/microsoft-programmer-will-go-to-hell-or-heaven/ * You wouldn't be able to eat popcorn, drink a coke and watch the movie at the same time. * If the popper was popping corn, and they were selling a candy bar, the movie would pause. * They would announce that the next versions of the movie would enable colour blind people to watch ... http://computerjokes.slonce.net/2007/07/09/if-microsoft-made-movies/ No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: They replicate quickly. Okay, Windows does that. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so. Okay, Windows does that. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk. Okay, Windows does that, too. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to ... http://computerjokes.slonce.net/2007/07/09/why-windows-is-not-a-virus/ "640K ought to be more than enough" -Bill Gates Q: How many Microsoft engineers are needed to screw a light bulb?? A: None! They just change the standard to darkness. Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb? A: They can see no need for uninstallation and have ... http://computerjokes.slonce.net/2007/07/09/questions-and-answers/ BABY(1) USER COMMANDS BABY(1) NAME BABY - create new process from two parent processes SYNOPSIS BABY sex [ ... http://computerjokes.slonce.net/2007/07/09/baby-man-page/ If Unix is the answer, then it must have been a stupid question. Unix is the only virus with a command-interface. How can an operating system from 1970 (UNIX) be more modern than an operating system from 1978 (VMS)? Unix - the first computer virus. NFS = Nightmare File System. Berkeley is famous for LSD ... http://computerjokes.slonce.net/2007/07/09/anti-unix/ % cat "food in cans" cat: can't open food in cans % nice man woman No manual entry for woman. % rm God rm: God nonexistent % ar t God ar: God does not exist % ar r God ar: creating God % "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence? Unmatched ". % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa? Missing ]. % ^How did the sex change ... http://computerjokes.slonce.net/2007/07/09/funny-unix-cshsh-commands/ If IBM made toasters ... They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters. If Microsoft made toasters ... Everytime you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to ... http://computerjokes.slonce.net/2007/07/09/if-they-made-toasters/ General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did.... --------------------------------------------------------------- HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!" HelpLine: "Did you put ... http://computerjokes.slonce.net/2007/07/09/what-if-people-bought-cars-like-they-buy-computers/ 1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete. 2. Any given program costs more and takes longer. 3. If any program is useful, it will have to be changed. 4. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented. 5. Any given program will expand to fill all available memory. 6. The value ... http://computerjokes.slonce.net/2007/07/09/a-few-laws-of-computer-programming/